Preparing for a second baby the simple way.
I’m taking a simple approach to preparing for a second baby. Last time around I had already purchased at least one diaper bag by this point in my pregnancy. I know I already had one piece of clothing: pretty little summer shoes for a girl that I purchased in Spain when I was 13 weeks pregnant.
Of course, we had a boy. But I couldn’t resist buying the shoes. In fact, I still have them. In the great purge I couldn’t part with them and gave away, sold or donated loads of our son’s clothing instead. If we have another boy I’ll be gifting them to the next friend that has a girl.
This time around I’ve yet to buy anything for this new baby. I haven’t even made a list although I know we need a few things.
My preparation for a new baby at 17 weeks:
Researched health care and labour options. I’m meeting with the one and only Doula on the island in the next few weeks. We had a wonderful Doula for Henry’s birth so I would like to go that route again. I’m familiarizing myself with the medical system here and coming to terms with some of the differences that I am not thrilled about.
Finding someone to watch Henry when second baby arrives. Our friends that we would normally ask are moving and won’t be here in January. My sister might be with us over the holidays but we need to find someone that will be here in January that Henry is comfortable with. It might seem early for this preparation but without any family here our options are limited.
Talking about this big change in our family. Chris and I spent a few evenings talking about the changes we’ll make with this second baby. Specifically, the different duties Chris will take on as I do night shift with a newborn and spend a lot of time breastfeeding. Our three year old is still oblivious to the reasons behind my expanding waistline. We’ll talk more about his sibling in the months before his or her arrival.
Maternity clothes. Last pregnancy I wore a lot of regular clothing until the last few weeks of my pregnancy. I was proud that I could still fit into some of it. Now I know that I wasn’t really fitting into it so much as I was stretching it out. In the year after Henry was born I slowly transitioned back into my pre-baby wardrobe. And I found out that I had ruined a lot of clothing.
Yoga pants stretched out beyond use, jeans that had the waist band pulled and prodded into an unnatural state and once fitted t-shirts that were now empire-waisted. For our second baby I moved into maternity clothes earlier. I got a few new items and unearthed what I had left from last pregnancy. It’s nice not to have to unbutton my jeans when I sit down.
Preparing for a second baby can be easy, stress free and cheap.
Take all that wisdom from your first experience and use it the second time around.
This might even mean upgrading items.
If you bought an inexpensive stroller that fell apart or never met the demands of your lifestyle, think about upgrading. You know you don’t need the expensive nursery set for a second baby. But maybe you need a solid double stroller for your toddler and newborn. Think about buying one second hand.
Preparing for a second baby can also include selling or giving away all those things you never used the first time around. The wrap that never worked for you or the second bassinet you never used. Let go of those things before that second baby arrives and you’re too busy managing life with a newborn.
Invest in help that you wished you had the first time around.
If you felt alone and overwhelmed with your first baby, think about what could make this experience different. A second baby is an opportunity to use what you have learned. You do or don’t want people visiting the first few weeks. You decide. You would like extra help around the house the first few months and you’re willing to either ask someone for help, or pay for it.
Be honest and ask those around you for what you need with a second baby on the way. It could be meals or it could simply be a phone call everyday to check in. It could be a neighbour walking your dog for two weeks as you rest and heal. It could be a friend coming by to help you batch cook and freeze meals. Help comes in many forms.
As a second time mom, I haven’t been spending my time researching strollers or signing up for daily deal sites.
My thoughts aren’t on a list of things we need.
Instead, I’m thinking about my son with his new sibling. And day dreaming about what the arrival of this new one will be like and feeling a lot of excitement for our move to a family of four.
Any advice from mom’s of two or more on how you prepared for the arrival of a new baby? Were you more relaxed and did you buy less the second, third or fourth time around? More about keeping it simple with a baby in my book The Minimalist Mom: How to Simply Parent Your Baby.
More posts on easily preparing for a baby and how to keep things sane, simple and somewhat cheap:
Hello and Congratulations!!! I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago and am having fun going through it! Im also pregnant (with my third) and due in january, so Im hoping for lots of pregnancy/ baby posts! 🙂 As for advice with the second coming one of my biggest is start early and often with making the new baby a part of the family. I did that with my second, oldest was just over a year, and with this one, girls are 5 and 7. I really think it helps the kids be completely excepting and welcoming of new baby when in arrives and takes care of jelousy, competeing with attention issues in the first few months. We talk about baby alot, pray for baby, lots of be gentle with the baby, let them talk to it, and include the baby in story time, I’ll even say let them know that mommy cant come right now or play right now bc I need to rest the baby makes me tired, all that I can so that its not WHAM baby is here and life is completely different for them when it comes. I also really played up the special older sibling role when I was having my second. So much so that when my oldest came to the hospital to meet her new sister, she came running down the hall, pushed past my hug and said “where my baby Kaytee, mama” She was so ready for that baby to be here!
Hope this helps, Congrat again and hope all goes well for you! Christy
Congratulations! 🙂
I had found your blog right at the beginning of my third pregnancy, and I’m so grateful to you and the inspiration you gave me to do things differently.
My biggest change the third time around was NOT PREPARING. I concentrated on the midwife (I had one option if I wanted to be legal about it) and myself and my family, as you are doing… and it was terrific.
My advice is to wait until the baby is born to do any shopping for the baby. Have 2 or 3 outfits for him or her to wear those first couple of days, and a pack of diapers. The baby needs nothing else. (okay, a place to sleep is good. But most babies aren’t trying to escape their beds that first week, my friend who cosleeps put hers in a laundry basket for the first couple of months). The best thing I heard when pregnant was- the stores don’t close when you have a baby. Your husband can still run to Target for you if you need something. That might not be EXACTLY true for you, but I listened to this advice and we didn’t feel we needed anything until it was time to bathe the baby and we felt we needed a baby tub. We could have done it without a tub, but I discovered a baby tub works better for me. The next thing we bought was more diapers and that was really it for a long, long time.
I love the baby posts! We have a 4.5 year gap between our kiddies, but the best thing we did was really prepare our daughter for the reality of having a baby. He will feed a lot, cry a lot and won’t be able to smile or play or even look at you for a long time. Babies are very boring! He will take up a lot of mummy’s time. W kept repeating this in various ways and she seemed to totally get it. Now tht he is 13 months they are great playmates but it really helped in the beginning that she was so well prepared. And she LOVED the present he bought her -she picked it ut a week before he was born and was looking forward to playing with it with much anticipation. I’m new to this minimilism thing but I am a bit of am eco warrier so all of our baby stuff is second hand, except for a new baby carrier (manducca brand, thoroughly recommend) that I wish we’d had for our first child!
I love (other people’s) babies. Can’t wait for more updates!
I have a 4 year old daughter and next week, will be having (repeat c-section) our second daughter.
Our situation is vastly different than anyone else’s that posted here – we were part of a massive wildfire last year (almost a year now actually) and lost all of the baby things, clothes… that I had saved “just in case” from our first. So, as a result, we’ve had to start over on everything, including baby stuff.
That said – I didn’t have a baby shower with this baby. It was offered but after much stress and consideration, I turned them down.
A volunteer for the disaster recovery/turned friend has been amazing at helping gather stuff for our newly rebuilt house (moved in almost 3 months ago), including some basic baby stuff. A lot of stuff from before I’m not replacing, other stuff was on the need list. Need included – crib, changing table (we’re very tall and floors are a long ways down, especially post surgery), rocking chair for the bed room, twin bed for the bedroom, infant swing, prefold diaper burp rags (Cotton Babies website sells them – they’re great), diaper bag, basic clothes, bouncy/vibrator seat, diaper bag, Ergo carrier with infant insert, car seat, stroller … Our changing table this time turned out to be a tall dresser that our friend was gifted – it is the perfect height for us and with the added contoured pad on top, looks to work perfectly. The baby clothes I got from a friend for a bargain – I donated over 1/2 to a thrift store as I didn’t need them. The burp rags might seem extreme (at least my version of them) but first baby was really bad acid reflux and I learned that anything other than good prefolds don’t soak up enough to mess with. The infant swing and vibrator chair also go with the reflux – sometimes mamas need a break to keep from loosing it. Plus, I got the swing new at a yard sale for 25% of the original cost.
The one thing that Nana gave my daughter which is now at the top of my need list for other 2nd time moms… a nice quality baby doll. (She got one of the American Girl Bitty Baby dolls.) This has been quite the year of transition for us and my daughter having her own “baby” to play with and role model (already “nursing” the baby even before her sister arrives) and… it is helping. We use the baby doll to talk about things, relate to size, what babies can do… and Baby Ellie will come with her to the hospital to see me. Her new sister is giving her baby doll new clothes (that i made from used infant clothes) at the hospital… I’ve read that the baby giving the older sib gifts helps. It’s worth a try.
A college friend mailed me her baby bedding set and I used that as the basis for the baby room. I sewed curtains and made wall art, all not “needed” but apparently part of my nesting process. The twin bed mattress was donated new, so we needed a place to keep it until baby outgrows the crib… and in the mean time, I can sleep there with a co-sleeper that a friend gave me. This will be nice as it will keep my hubs sleeping, and he drives far to work, so we need him to stay awake for the commute.
I did invest in a nice nursing bra this time and a couple of nice nursing tanks – I lived in the cheaper tanks from Target last time.
Things that I got that I’m not sure about – pack n play… I don’t know. Maybe at grandmas? The rest of the detritus of babies, like bumbos and high chairs and exersaucers… that can all be found used later on when she’s old enough to use them and if I decide that we need them.
The best part about this baby, aside from the baby part, is not keeping anything after we’re done with it. It will all go to the consignment store to be traded in for stuff we do need…and in baby land, there never seems to be a shortage of available stuff. We don’t have friends or family who send hand me downs our way, so the consignment/thrift stores/yard sales are critical to not spending a fortune. But, I also am not worried about it either… to answer your question, yes, we’re much more relaxed about this baby – in so far as what we need. However, with the new house/disaster recovery the stress level is still pretty high and is only slowing down now that we’re closer to the big day. And, with the repeat c-section, it is actually working out well. We have no friends to help with our daughter (they all have their own kids and many are also still in recovery from the fire) and family is all far away (we’re in Texas – they’re in Kansas) so this gives us a chance to have grandparents here when we need them. Without the planned section, I’m not sure I would be sane right now… this year has been off the charts hard and it is nice to have one thing that we know will happen.
I have a 3 year old and a 3month old. There is so much we wish we would have known when we had our first baby! So husband and I spent a lot more time preparing for baby #2 in mind, body and spirit. The pregnancy focus for baby #1 was placed on gathering material things which wasn’t sufficient in helping prepare us for birth or parenthood. I think the most helpful thing we did with baby #2 was have a good support system in place. We hired midwives and a supportive doula.
We also saved money so husband could stay home for 2 weeks and help care for us while I recovered and learned how to nurse. It was heaven having him there with us! It was like a little babymoon 🙂 If that is not an option for your husband or your mother cant come to stay with you I would suggest hiring a professional doula to help care for you, Henry and baby for the first few weeks . It is well worth the cost as it helps everyone to adjust and enjoy the special time of having a newborn. (It was enjoyable in that my midwife gave me permission to not do a thing! so husband stepped in to cook, clean and care for 3 y.o. while I slept and nursed. Husband also got in plenty of naps and got to know his new baby during this time. Best investment we ever made.)
Also, a friend set up a schedule on mealtrain.com for us. Friends and family were more than willing to sign up and help bring meals to us, they were even willing to accommodate my special diet restrictions. Just something to consider. Best of luck!
My husband will be taking 2 weeks off (one paid paternity leave, one week vacation) and my mom is going to come over for 2-3 weeks at some point. I am also hoping to find a post-partum doula for breastfeeding help, baby help and to keep the laundry running in the first six weeks between the gaps of my husband being at home and my mom coming to visit. I wish last time around we had asked for more help and focused less on stuff.
Well at least this time you have a plan 🙂 Good luck!
I’m 29 weeks with my second boy. My first boy is just about 2 years old. I’m more relaxed this time around. We did get rid of most of the little boy clothes but my friend and cousin have kids that are passing hand-me downs. We still had the crib and I kept my packs. I just bought some more cloth diapers (we use BumGenius) on ebay so we have plenty and they will fit either kid. I am mostly worried about the transition and am trying to explain it some to my son. I think he’s starting to get it a little bit. The only thing I want with this one that I didn’t have with the first is a bouncer/vibrating chair thing. Otherwise, I don’t really need/want anything.
With subsequent babies, whenever I started to get stressed about preparation (or lack thereof), I just reminded myself that all I needed was my camera and diapers. Everything else we had or would be given to us as gifts or brought over as hand-me-downs.
A little tidbit of advice I would give you is for preparing your child for a new sibling, my favourite books (especially for your son’s age) are “What’s Inside?” and “And After That” (but get it now) both by Jeanne Ashbe.
Oh, I forgot one thing- a designated, waist-height changing table! I spent a lot of time hunched over, changing baby 1 on the bed, floor, wherever. If you hadn’t noticed, back pain became an issue for me, so with 2 I made sure to transform an old dresser into a changing station. It helped a lot!
I’m also 17 weeks, but with #3. I did simplify things somewhat for #2, but still ended up with WAY too many clothes, thanks to the $1 bin at Goodwill. This time I am planning to have on hand:
-24-36 Bumgenius Freetimes, a one size AIO. I just switched to these from sized prefolds because the baby and my now 20 month old could share them. The day I purchased them my 20 month old pretty much fully and completely potty trained himself. Oh, well, they seem like awesome diapers, so I’m excited to use them in January.
-4ish gowns, 6 onesies, 3 pants, 3 pairs of socks, and 2 hats. We live in an outlet town, so if I really need more of something, I can send someone to get them very inexpensively. There is no need to have basket upon basket of them.
-Aden and Anais swaddling blankets–the bamboo ones are HEAVEN! One heavier blanket for carseat, naps.
-Some burp cloths.
-BOBA wrap. I love this so much more than my Moby that I had for #1. It’s stretchy and #2 practically lived in it until he could fit in the Ergo.
-Fisher Price Rock n’ Play Sleeper. We plan to cosleep again, but still need a place for baby during the day and at night during the first few months (I tend to like them in bed when they are a tiny bit bigger). Have you seen this? The reviews on Amazon are what convinced me. $44 is a lot cheaper than an arm’s reach (which we had for #1 but met its fate in a flooded basement), and it seems that babies really love to sleep in them. You can move them from bedside to kitchen easily thus avoiding having cosleeper/swing/bouncy chair, pack and play, etc.
-Carseat. We have one already.
Sorry this was wordy, you really got me thinking! I’m selling a lot of our baby “necessities” at a tag sale this weekend! It will feel great to be rid of the excess. This time around I will also make sure that I have a freezer full of healthy meals and some appropriate kid DVDs on hand. I generally don’t let them watch TV, but there is a time for everything! January + newborn has me a little nervous.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I know this isnt the typical response, but I actually went less minimal with #2 than #1 if you can believe it. In many ways, I’m a born minimalist, and for baby #1, I found myself constantly saying, “nah, I don’t need xyz baby item, I’ll just make do with abc.” I asked for very little other than cloth diapers at my baby shower (which no one bought because they had no idea what I was talking about). We were pretty broke at the time, and my daughter was the 8th grandchild/niece for my very low income mother and sisters, so our wish for few gifts was easily honored. I learned along the way, however, that having a new baby, nursing, and being a devoted mom is difficult, and it wasn’t necessary to make things more difficult by intentionally limiting myself out of some things that actually could make things a little easier, a little more comfortable for tired mommy. With baby #2 and a 3 year old, giving myself a break and allowing myself some convenience/comfort items became even more important. Of course, I also learned that some of the stuff I did think I’d need turned out not to be, so I think it balanced out. Here are some things I added with #2: breastfriend nursing pillow-supported me so much better than a regular pillow, relieved a lot of neck/back soreness, just made me more comfortable during many hours of nursing; a bouncy seat-in general baby #2 spent a lot more time NOT hanging off my body in a sling (he didn’t like slings much, and it was much harder to wear a baby around while bending over to a 3yo all day; a crib-see previous; a deluxe stroller/car seat combo-baby #1 always went from car seat to sling, but with 2, I needed the stroller to at least carry our keys, water, diapers, gym bag etc. from car to destination . I know our circumstances are different but just wanted to put out this other perspective.
Now that my 2nd boy is 14 months, realizing I could do with even less (getting rid of changing table, bumpo seat, extra blankets). He was born in the same season as his older brother (2 years apart) so he is ae to wear almost all of the clothes/shoes I saved. Our essentials the 2nd time around we’re the ‘moby wrap’, baby ergo carrier and stroller. We went somewhere almost every day that big brother wasn’t in morning preschool – now that baby is older they are starting to really play together! The first month or so when baby first comes home is an adjustment – we survived through supportive shifts from family to give the oldest attention (he even went on first overnight with grandparents for 2 weeks) and praying for patience when he acted out! The adjustment passes quickly and I can attest to the joy that an additional child brings!
I had my second boy last fall. I still had quite a few baby things from my first son in storage so I was able to buy the bare minimum. I did not cloth diaper my first because I didn’t know the first thing about it and I didn’t know anyone who was doing it so I never thought much about it. With my new guy, I did rent a set of newborn size cloth diapers and then purchased a few new and used one size diapers once he outgrew the little ones. We decided to go AP as much as was practical for our family. We mostly wear him because we use public transit or walk and a stroller is usually a bigger hassle and a bigger waste of space. We do own a stroller and take it to the market to help cart our food home. The crib is in it’s toddler bed formation, sidecarred to our bed. We rearranged the dressers that we had in the house so that the one with the changing table top could be in our room. My oldest has my dresser, my husband’s and my clothes are in our closet. In the end, we still purchased some junk that ended up not getting used much, but we were able to avoid the Baby Industrial Complex the second time around for the most part.
You can overthink some things.
While I have learnt a lot also with hindisght, I am most glad for a small book my dad got me (he didn’t have a clue!) when I was pregnant with my first child (as a single parent), that emphasised what you don’t need… even then, it was bad enough with hand-me-downs, gifts and trying to buy stuff to “do the right thing” etc. etc. The whole marketing ploy does seem to make it hard to stick with your instincts nowadays, as my daughter succumbed to some stuff even though she was aware she didn’t really need to fuss so much. She was better with the 2nd baby!
Women have been having children for a long time, the majority grow up just fine, even without all the modern ideas and merchandise, just so long as you stick with your instincts and keep it as simple as possible. So much time is spent worrying about problems that never arise…
I purchased a lot less with the second and even less with my third. Although my third I’ve had to pick up a few things we never needed with the first two. Like a crib! We cosleep, but my third daughter is such an active sleeper we bought a mini crib for her. All three of mine have been so different that waiting until they are here to figure out what exactly we need works best for us.
My sons are 2yrs 9 months apart. I remember everyone telling me it was so much more work with 2 and thinking “how is that possible – I was so overwhelmed bring the first baby home!” With hindsight I think it was 2x the work but mentally it was much easier than the first (you really do know what you’re doing that second time around). Our oldest had to learn to play by himself more but it’s amazing how well kids adapt. As long as you’re positive about the changes with them they will be too.
I was definitely more relaxed the second time around, to answer your question. The transition was pretty smooth. We spent lots of time talking about “gentle hands” with my then 1.5 year old, in preparation for her brothers’ arrival. We practiced it a lot and I tried to teach her to watch his face for cues that he either liked or did not like what she was doing. That seemed more freeing and realistic than watching her constantly to make sure she didn’t poke him or whatever. And I liked giving her the tools to know how to interact, rather than just telling her not to touch the baby.
That being said, she is a fairly compliant child:) So within a couple of weeks I felt comfortable leaving the two of them alone together while I was in the other room.
We just welcomed number three and my second child just can’t help himself- he has to poke his new brother in the face periodically to see what happens. Same focus both times on “gentle hands” and reading cues, but different kids:)
Congratulations! I am very eager to see how your double stroller search goes!
This is so exciting!
My 3 are 3 years (1/23/05 Boy, 2/23/08 Boy, 02/11/11 Girl). We started talking about a baby in mommy’s tummy as soon as the baby’s movements were large enough for little brother to feel. Little brothers loved when we would nap together and baby would give them some kicks, or when my shirt would move while reading books.
I only had sized cloth diapers because OS hadn’t come out, so I did buy OS diapers for #3 that I could use for both #2 and #3 at the same time to streamline the whole laundry. I bought them all second hand. My boys both potty trained shortly after the next sibling was born. They were dry overnight and dry after naps and physically ready which made the process super quick-3 days.
For nursing, you’ll want not just a book for Henry, but also a glass of water and snacks, because I tell you what, as soon as you are all settled in, even if you check with him before, he’ll decide he needs a snack and in those early days were nursing sessions can last 45 minutes, you can’t keep a hungry toddler waiting that long. Reading is also very helpful to make the time special for both of them.
I bought nothing else because I had purchased all gender neutral clothing the first time around. Really, you need some diapers, a few t-shirts, a couple blankets, and that’s it if you’re nursing.
It was nice to have boys first. Boy’s pants can easily be worn by a girl. However, even the inside of girls jeans are pink and flowery and girls onsies have bows and lace. That drives me nuts!
Have you considered a bella band? I loved my both during and after pregnancy. I didn’t ruin any of my pants and focused my spending on just materinty shirts.
Congratulations! I just wanted to put in a non-experienced-mom comment to say I’m looking forward to your updates, as I’m 15 weeks pregnant with my first child. My wife and I have both read your book and are hoping to keep purchases to a minimum on the first go around.
I have been googling cloth diapers etc but haven’t purchased anything, and my mother-in-law has started sewing us cloth diapers!!!
Thanks, Brenna and congratulations! I know a few people that have made cloth diapers. Check out frugalbabe.com. She made all of her own diapers.
I know this is not the topic of your post, but I am intrigued as to what the differences are between care in the UK and back home. I find the social and cultural expectations of pregnancy and childbirth between various countries fascinating. Case in point, watching ‘One Born Every Minute’ UK version vs. US version is quite an eye opener!
The biggest difference is in continuity of care. In Vancouver I saw a team of three midwives over the course of my pregnancy and at least one of them would be with me in labour. Of course, in Vancouver there is more choice. If you have a low-risk pregnancy you have the choice of seeing an OBGYN or midwives. If you choose to see midwives you can deliver at home or at the hospital with them – your choice.
Now,I am on the Isle of Man so our choices are limited. I think there are more options in the UK if you want to go with private medical. Here I see a team of community midwives during my pregnancy with a few visits to an OB. If I become high risk I see the OB more. There is a separate team of midwives that deliver babies at the hospital. You can choose home birth but it isn’t that common here.
The midwives in Vancouver were trained and certified and part of our medical system, similar to the UK, but there was a less clinical feel to the appointments. They were long, almost an hour. And while the regular check-ups and such were done they also asked after my general and emotional well-being. I’m really missing that approach here. 🙁
There are almost 8 yrs between my middle and last daughters. We had pretty much given up on having another baby so all I had saved was my cradle. All I bought was a car seat, stroller, and at a shower I was gifted plenty of outfits & blankets. If anyone asked what we wanted/needed I told them diapers. I didn’t buy a swing, high chair, anything extra, and her toys fit in a tiny plastic box then. It was great to not have much stuff!! I did invest in nicer maternity clothes off eBay. Now that same child is 7 and with 2 older sisters, the hand me down pile of clothes & toys has gotten huge, but she hates to part with anything. We are looking at moving in 2-3 months so I’ve already told her there will be a purging before the move, and in exchange we’ll get a pool at the new place.
I completely relate to the worrying about time v. things with a second! My only advice would be to consider where Henry is going to be at developmentally. When you have a 2nd, most of your time is spent feeding and tending to a little that the first has to do a lot of growing up fast. When I got unexpectedly preggo with #2, we decided to potty-train early. By the time #2 came, #1 was mainly potty-trained (22months). There was some regression, but the work we put forward while I was pregnant was well worth it. It’s SO much easier to get a toddler to potty when pregnant rather than when you’ve got a nursing baby in your arms lol! Good luck! There’s definitely an adjustment period, and the 1st year is the hardest, but you can do it!!
Bought/bartered/borrowed WAY less the 2nd time around. Just didn’t need it. 🙂
Second go ’round, my only worry was making sure the new baby would have childcare after maternity leave. Once we found out she was a girl, it was obvious we had everything we needed. I had been a single mother for the first year of my eldest’s life, so I knew having another person around to help would make things very easy in comparison anyway.
For my third, the only thing I did was make sure I worked out five times a week to keep weight gain low. I tried to prep the other kids a little, but honestly, I wasn’t overly concerned about it. I had done no preparation for my eldest meeting her new baby sister, and after a minute of boo-hooing, she got over it and loved to nurse her doll next to me (or at daycare).
My mom had six children (I was #5) and she always joked that the fourth kid and beyond was raised by the family pet–ironically we had no pets. I think I inherited her ability to go with the flow when it comes to my children. Sometimes I’m caught by surprise, but I don’t regret being laid back.
My mom said the same thing. After baby #3 it was all the same.
Trying, and succeeding, in keeping my weight gain low this time around. My husband has just lost almost 30 lbs so I have no companion if I want an evening snack or sweets.
Book while nursing: what a great idea. I’m stealing it. 🙂 Last time I had a little nursing basket – water, snacks, book, phone – and I’ll be sure to put one or two of Henry’s books in it this time around.
Looking forward to your regular posts. As I am just in the same situation. 18 weeks pregnant with a 2 old daugther. And this time arround I am also not gonna buy much, if anything.
As we practise attachement parenting to some degree, I will not even get the grip, babybed or playpen from my parents. As we plan to co-sleep and carry the little one as much as possible in a sling. Don’t even know if we will use our pram the first month. And if, then more likely for our older daughter.
I allready engaged my mother for staying with us for a week in January, found a nicer, breastfeeding hospital and started reading a breastfeeding book. This time arround I want to be better prepared for breastfeeding, as this did not completly work out how I wished the last time. I also want to look into communication elimination and give it a serious try.
As I think my daughter does also not understand really what is going to happen, we wait with more specific preparation for her until about 2 month before. But I still tell her often that there is a little baby boy (we just found out this week) in my belly waiting to become her little brother.
We also try to find answers how to best prepare our daughter and handle sibling conflict situations once the baby is here in attachement parenting books, blogs and so on.
Wish you the best for the rest of your pregnancy and look forward to read more.
Congratulations, Claudia. 🙂 Nice to hear of another second time mom deciding to do things differently.
We also practice some of the B’s of attachment parenting. Our flat came with a big crib but unless our new baby shows a preference for it, we’ll bed-share and/or get a cosleeping crib (our bed is a bit small this time around so I think we’ll need the cosleeper). Haven’t given a lot of thought to strollers. Hoping we can just get by with our single. Just starting to think about some of those bits and pieces.
Good luck with the breastfeeding. It’s the most natural thing in the world but, wow, it can take a lot of work, help and practice. Was glad we already had an LC lined up before the birth last time.
Cheers, Rachel
Just thinking a great way to be more minimised with a baby is to go one step further and use elimination communication. Great for the environment, great for babies bum.
You know I actually tried EC with Henry between 6 and 10 months. We had quite a bit of success with it but I gave it up because I felt like I was tied to the house all day. I now realize you can do as much or as little EC as you like. Wish I had kept it up but just dialed it back while we were out and about. Because we are not having much success with the potty at almost three 🙁
Yes! I started ECing my baby from day one and now at 10 months, she pretty much goes without a diaper all day!
First off, congrats on the new baby new! New babies are so exciting!
I’m just a mum of one so far, and I’ve been very mindful about the acquisition of baby clothes and gear-largely thanks to your blog! My sister, a nanny, told me “you can never have too many blankets, bibs, insert X here.” Actually, you can have too many blankets, and baby towels, and bibs. Just this morning, I filled a laundry basket of baby items to sell, in response to a b/s/t add of a woman expecting a girl in a few months. I get to unburden myself of some extra stuff, and she gets a whole basket of pink gear! It’s a win-win.
I know the second time around, unless I have a boy and need a few boy clothes (which I’ll get used, come to think of it), I’ll be asking my friends and my family to donate diapers to charity in lieu of sending gifts. We cloth diaper, and one thing I learned in my cloth diaper journey is now many families struggle to diaper their kids on limited budgets.
Congrats again on the new baby! I’ll be excited to read about your preparation for Henry’s sibling!
We had way too many blankets last time. I think we got six as gifts. We used burp cloths as light blankets and spit up shields and all sorts of things. We had maybe 6-8 and had to wash every 2-3 days. It was one of the few things I was smart about.
I really enjoyed selling and giving away baby items during our purge and before we moved overseas. It was so fun to meet new mums and pregnant women and see who would use our things.
As you are in the UK now, ask the doula about TENS. TENS is an electrical device, that kind of overloads your nerves, so you don’t feel pain during labour. It’s popular in the UK, so she should be able to tell you more. I had it and I loved it. It didn’t completely remove the pain, but what I felt was just a bit more that menstruation cramps and NO pain in the back.
For my boy, who cannot understand a word that I say (it’s called dysphasia) it was important, that we prepared the room 2 months early. He was not allowed in the baby’s crib, he could open the baby’s drawers, but not take her clothes etc. He helped me put the crib together. We repeatedly watched his photos, to show him, how a tiny baby boy became his big self.
I regret the way I went to hospital – all day I felt really bad and pushed him away, then when hubs and I got worried, we just rushed to the hospital and I didn’t say goodbye. Mommy was angry and disappeared for 5 days (remember – no explaining possible). But then I came home with Rose, smiling, happy (oh yeah, fast birthing is great, I didn’t have time to get tired and two days later I could run) and the first thing I did at home was to welcome my boy. I think he infered that baby made me happy, because he is the best big brother I’ve ever seen.
Right now it’s important that we have rituals. This way he knows, that I’m not just going to feed her and forget about his hunger.
I saved almost all of his baby stuff, partly because my sister used them just a year later, but I didn’t feel like sorting everything. And in fact this time we found different things more useful (e.g. he wore pajamas, she’s wearing onesies with tights at night). Each baby is different and each baby’s family is different 🙂
I’ve heard about the TENS machines over here. Boots actually rents them out. I’ll be asking about it for sure.
Thank you for sharing about how you prepared your son for the baby’s arrival. While Henry does understand most of what we say he is still catching up verbally (had some hearing issues) and he will just be three in January. I think I’ll be using some of your techniques, the photos and showing him the baby clothing when we get it out, to help him understand.
Definitely bought less each time around and got quite a few hand-me-downs, which we gladly accept, use, and then pass on when they no longer meet our needs. I also found that with subsequent children (I’m 30 weeks pregnant now with #4) you realize just how little you need–a decent stroller (one that can handle the local weather, so for us, lots of snow), an updated car seat (if you have a car, as the car seats do expire!), a place for baby to sleep/nap (depending on your preference; we co-sleep, but still need a place to put the baby when s/he is napping and I’m not), anything necessary for breastfeeding, and a knowledge of the way the local laws and studies have changed since the last time we had a baby. Almost anything else can be done without or gotten via hand-me-downs.
Good luck to you! I’m also having my baby in a new country for me–in Canada after having my first 3 in the States, and things are very different here as well. I’m looking forward to your updates.
Thanks, Shayna and congratulations to you 🙂 I’m finding the differences a bit challenging. Nothing terrible, just a different system of how you see care providers, but I think it’s making me home sick. I just want my old midwives and Doula. And my mom of course. 🙂
Well, since this is my #4 and my mom wasn’t at any of them, I can manage without that one. But I also miss the system I had. My first three kids were all delivered with the same practice (the first two with a doctor, the third with the midwife affiliated with the practice). I loved their philosophy, I loved knowing when I could call and that it was okay to freak out periodically, etc. I never had a doula, but wonder if here in a socialized medicine country it would be that much more beneficial–my midwife spoke on my behalf last time, but the system here is so different. Now that I’m getting closer to the end, I am beginning to get nervous. I do feel blessed that the doctor I ended up with really listens (so she’s always running late, but I’d rather wait and know she’s taking time for each patient than get in on time and get rushed out), and that she trusts me when I talk about my past experiences and my hopes and expectations with #4. I’ll keep you updated, though, as you keep us updated.
Love you blog, btw. I know I post *very* infrequently but I do read it 🙂