I miss blogging.
I miss the kick in the pants this space gives me to turn my back on stuff and enjoy the little things in my life more.
This won’t be one of those “I will blog more” posts that you find on a blog and it’s the last entry from two years ago. Isn’t that sad? When you find some post that speaks to you and then you go to the latest post and it is old and all about how they haven’t been blogging lately. I really will be in this space more next year because next year I will not have a new baby (at least, I don’t think I will) and I won’t be writing a book.
I will be here more in 2013. Guys, I have to be. This quest to have less is definitely harder with two kids and more work on my plate.
Amber Strocel frequently writes about what she learns in a month. It’s a recap that chronicles progress and change and I like the process of it. It’s far to easy to let time slip by and not take a moment to reflect that although the same pictures are on your wall, or you’re in the same job, or you’re still fighting the good fight with your alarm clock, change has happened.
So here are my Things I Learned in 2013. Please share a few of yours in the comments or, if you have a blog, direct us to any year-in-review type post you may have.
Things I Learned in 2013
Every baby is different.
We prepared for this second baby like a storm was coming. Clear the schedule. Expect that the next year will be about survival mixed in with some soul warming new baby snuggles mixed in with the bags under our eyes. I thought we would be hunkering down for six to twelve months until the worst of it had passed. Because that was our experience the first time around.
Instead, I reduced the hours of the help we had hired at the four week mark, joined the local Crossfit gym and wrote a book. It seems that while all babies are lovely, some really are easier than others.
I do not expect or require this easiness to be a recurring theme with our second child but man, I have enjoyed it.
Busyness as a short season can be good for you.
September and October kicked our butts. In a good and bad way. We knew in advance that it would be a tough stretch with some work and personal commitments but in the end more came our way, most of it good, than we expected.
I will confess that one of the big appeals to the minimalist life is that it gives us a lot of freedom. At times I might say it feeds into my lazy side. I don’t like to be rushed or over committed. But being a bit rushed and over committed for two months showed me that a) I can handle it, b) I don’t want to handle it for ever and c) it feels good to get big things done in a short window.
So I will take these short bursts of busyness as they come, hopefully with good things attached to them, but I am still resisting busyness as a lifestyle. Meaning our oldest is now maxed out on after school activities with a gymnastics class and a swimming class and the baby gets sing-a-long time at home over dinner instead of at the library. For most of the year we keep our weekends free so we can do things together as a family.
Making the effort to see good friends is always worth it.
Sometimes the expat life really is glamorous. I went to London with the baby for just one night. Flew in on a Saturday morning, left the next day after a few meals and many hours seeing a good friend. With our busy fall I didn’t actually buy my ticket to go until the week of. This ended up being a smart move as I got a ticket on points and flew to London for around $70 USD. Yes, $70! Couldn’t do that when I lived in Canada.
When we were visiting Vancouver I rented a car and drove myself, the kids and my sister to Seattle – a three hour drive each way – so I could spend a long and fantastic afternoon catching up with university friends.
I have to remind myself that when I do get these chances to see friends – few and far between because we are living overseas – I need to seize them.
Change is good. And challenging. And hard work. But mostly good.
Writing a book with a baby at home wasn’t easy. Even my easy baby requires attention and to be fed and cuddled and changed regularly. The hours I have with just one child in my care are limited. And I have so far been unable to do the creating part of being a freelance writer with both children awake.
In a pinch I can tackle the administrative bits and pieces, mostly email, with one eye on the kids and one eye on my computer. But I am not only not good at it, I also don’t like to work when my kids are doing fun stuff and want my attention. That’s the biggest reason I decided to make a go of working from home part-time: I want to spend time with my kids. Luckily our oldest goes to preschool a few times a week and the baby is turning into a good day-time napper. And when I have a big deadline my husband takes the kids for an afternoon on the weekends.
This year I learned I can focus for short periods of time and get a large volume of work done when I really need to. Accepting a contract to write a book with a very tight deadline was a big change for our household and a big challenge for me. But I met all the deadlines, enjoyed the process and we still mostly ate home cooked meals and stayed in our PJs on Saturday mornings (two indicators of health and stress levels in my house).
Writer friends: really love the work ethic Stephen King describes from his early days in his book On Writing. Pick up a copy from your local library if you’re looking to up your word count next year. I will be reading this book again to kick off 2014 and focus on my writing goals.
Another thing I learned in 2013: I need to get my husband to take more photos of me. I’ve taken some beautiful photos of him with the boys but there are so few of me. We had family photos taken this fall and it was well worth the financial investment. I want to be a mom that’s in the picture.
What did you learn in 2013?
P.S. Stay tuned. I’ll be running a declutter series here on the blog and the blog Facebook page starting January 3rd. Here is another thing I learned yet again: it’s a process and it is never perfect. After our busy fall I did a mini home purge in November and I’ll share photos and details along with some new resources I have found for living with less stuff.
I missed this blog post because for a while I didn’t receive your updates by email and it was really what I needed. It reminded me that it is all about commitment. I would like to begin blogging but don’t manage to find time to do it as my son only naps 2 to 3 hours in the afternoon. I need to learn to concentrate and be fully productive in short amount of times like you did.
Hi — I’m one among what sometimes seems like legions of women trying to live better by simplifying and also blogging about the process. Great minds think alike — I also decided to focus on lessons learned rather than resolutions to kick off 2014 (simplifyingathome.com). Wishing you the best in the new year. 🙂
I like your idea of taking things back to equal out the Christmas gifts. My husband is under the impression that the baby needs to have the same amount of gifts as the 5 year old. His logic is sound. He wants the 5 year old to see that Santa does not have favorites. But instead of buying the baby more. Which is just silly since he doesn’t really know the difference we could take back something for the 5 year old. Its hard though. this is the first year the he really know what the deal is and I really wanted to get him everything on his list. Pulling back is good though. He has enough and really just enjoys playing with daddy the best. I have to remember that minimalism is a journey and we will do better next year. On another note. We are currently in the process of moving again. We recently moved 2300 miles across the country and now we are moving cross town. I consulted your blog for moving suggestions the first time. How did you manage to move with so few boxes? You are my hero. I am happy because we have 60 boxes for our family for four. What about toys? I just can’t bring myself to get give them away. I do a clean out every now and then when my son is sleeping but they just seem to multiply on their own. Also what about toys that are given to them? I mean I LOVE that people think of our children, but sometimes I swear they literally just went into the store and grabbed the first thing that touched their hand. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but how do you tell people that maybe instead of buying the kids a toy you could just come over and play with them or take them to the park. They like that just as much.
I think we moved with 14 boxes and one of the reasons we were able to have so few is that we moved with very few housewares – no dishes, no sheets/duvets/pillows. We knew we would be moving into a furnished flat and I had no idea what the size of the beds would be, what it would have, etc. We could have moved with a lot less but I had no idea what we were moving into and what I could easily source second hand here.
Toys: I’m lucky that our four year-old is very attached to a type of toy (trains) but not really attached to specific toys. I donate toys frequently and I don’t worry about if they were gifts – easier for me because we live thousands of miles away from the people sending the gifts. Right now my challenge is deciding what to keep for my younger son. While he plays with some “baby” toys he prefers to play with whatever his older brother plays with. About to do another post-Christmas present round of toy decluttering!
Good luck, Melissa.
Just wanted to say I am super excited about this post and your series of posts! 🙂 I have had to put ‘life’ on hold a little bit for the last 3 months as I had a new baby and for me, we were the opposite way round to you – in hind sight I feel baby number 1 felt a lot easier than this one. I am hoping now that life will begin to calm down…
I absolutely love your blog! I believe that this is the first time I have commented, but have been following for over a year. Off the subject of this post, BUT I have gone back to work in a more professional setting for the first time in ten years! I love your posts abt minimalist wardrobe, but do you have any suggestions for a minimalist career wardrobe in a business casual setting? Any help would be SO appreciated! Happy almost new year!
Hi Meredith, I’ll have a week of wardrobe posts coming up in early January and it will include some resources for office wear. Thanks for the kind words and have a great new year! Rachel
So glad to hear all the good things that have been happening to you this last year and look forward to seeing you here in 2014. I really love your blog!